Thank you for this share. What an incredible thing to notice. I really resonated with that willingness to dive into activities with the kids. Drinking me would do some of that, but maybe 50%. Sober me is so much more willing to get into it all. A really beautiful reflection to read and love that you’ve found such a content and peaceful space.
Thanks Josh! I find myself willing to do things now and no longer resentful of “having to entertain the kids.” And I find joy in playing with them, where as it used to feel like a chore. I do admit they are older now which helps too! Happy to see you see it too though. We are lucky!!
Thank you for the incredible raw and honest post!! What a wonderful revelation you had during your trip!! Jamaica is beautiful isn't it?!! You should experience some of the country side!! The all inclusive can't beat the raw and real daily life of the people there!! 🥰 i loved this from start to finish!! Such a great read
I'm so happy to hear about your incredible time in Jamaica. It's hard for me to imagine an all-inclusive vacation, since drinking all the drinks was my ultimate goal in the past. I loved Jamaica, and thankfully I remember most of it. Almost 3 years sober, I'm still trying to find a vacation spot to enjoy with my husband. The beach just hasn't been the same. I enjoy it for sure (especially the sunrises... not hungover), but WE are still trying to figure things out. It doesn't help my sons are 21 now and like to have drinks. I feel like an outsider, even though I'm trying to not let it bother me and remember what I was like at 21. I know the best is yet to come:)
Crystal - I love the sunrises and the sunsets so much more now! It can all be hard though but I find it helps to think about what I’m grateful for at the end of the day - it’s a reframing of perspective. Also, a thought for you - My husband and I went to Aruba to an adults only resort a few years back - called the Bucuti and Tara resort. It was really nice, focuses on health and wellness but also relaxation at the beach - they had “wellness” hour around 4pm with smoothies instead of happy hour. There was a great mocktail menu. Overall, less of an emphasis on drinking in general. Check it out! Could be a good spot for you to go! Www.bucuti.com
Thanks for your question Morgan. I get asked this so often and I never know what to say. Because it was a feeling I had. A light bulb. A moment of clarity one morning. I think I just got to the point where I was so unhappy with feeling miserable all the time. I was sick of being stuck on the hampster wheel of endless hangovers and of wanting to be able to control my drinking but never being able to. I believed that alcohol was a comfort for a long time too. But there was this voice inside telling me I wasn’t ok and it kept getting louder. I was masking so much pain and the drinking was actually making it harder for me to feel anything anymore.
In the end I realized alcohol was never my friend. It only made things worse. And it took being sober for me to see this. Things are so much brighter on the other side.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I've noticed changes in myself unfold in this way, but I'm still wrestling with my old skin. It's comforting to hear that it's possible to stop the buzzing.
I think I am still in the bitter stage. I cannot conceive of this heart shift. Or a heart. And it isn't just that. It is poverty. It is always having lived a small life, not quite understanding friendship. And the itch.
My oldest child just committed to college. After spending all day touring on campuses, he would realize it isn't a good fit. As soon as the tour was done, he'd almost sheepishly apologize to my husband and me "sorry for wasting your time." Each time he did this, I would remind him, "Not a waste of time. Every 'no' gets you closer to your 'yes".
I felt (and still, at times, feel) this in my sobriety journey (which feels like it is its own course of study, like college!) Now I am majoring in myself, authenticity. Realizing who I don't want to be and who I was pretending to be takes time. Early sobriety is when we take those "prerequisites". It's later on that we sink into the stuff that lights us up, that feels real and true.
I loved this essay, Kim. I can hear the peace and contentment in every line. It's inspiring.
I was the epitome of "drink in my hand, feet in the sand" when on vacation. I thought that was true relaxation. It only brought me down and I missed so many moments because I was all blurred out or feeling like shit the next day so moody and the opposite of grateful.
Thank you for this share. What an incredible thing to notice. I really resonated with that willingness to dive into activities with the kids. Drinking me would do some of that, but maybe 50%. Sober me is so much more willing to get into it all. A really beautiful reflection to read and love that you’ve found such a content and peaceful space.
Thanks Josh! I find myself willing to do things now and no longer resentful of “having to entertain the kids.” And I find joy in playing with them, where as it used to feel like a chore. I do admit they are older now which helps too! Happy to see you see it too though. We are lucky!!
Thank you for the incredible raw and honest post!! What a wonderful revelation you had during your trip!! Jamaica is beautiful isn't it?!! You should experience some of the country side!! The all inclusive can't beat the raw and real daily life of the people there!! 🥰 i loved this from start to finish!! Such a great read
It’s such a lovely island! We didn’t explore much because we had everything we needed right there but the people were so kind!
I'm so happy to hear about your incredible time in Jamaica. It's hard for me to imagine an all-inclusive vacation, since drinking all the drinks was my ultimate goal in the past. I loved Jamaica, and thankfully I remember most of it. Almost 3 years sober, I'm still trying to find a vacation spot to enjoy with my husband. The beach just hasn't been the same. I enjoy it for sure (especially the sunrises... not hungover), but WE are still trying to figure things out. It doesn't help my sons are 21 now and like to have drinks. I feel like an outsider, even though I'm trying to not let it bother me and remember what I was like at 21. I know the best is yet to come:)
Crystal - I love the sunrises and the sunsets so much more now! It can all be hard though but I find it helps to think about what I’m grateful for at the end of the day - it’s a reframing of perspective. Also, a thought for you - My husband and I went to Aruba to an adults only resort a few years back - called the Bucuti and Tara resort. It was really nice, focuses on health and wellness but also relaxation at the beach - they had “wellness” hour around 4pm with smoothies instead of happy hour. There was a great mocktail menu. Overall, less of an emphasis on drinking in general. Check it out! Could be a good spot for you to go! Www.bucuti.com
Thank you so much for the recommendation! :)
Of course! 🩷🏖️
How did you get to the point where you were ready to quit? Right now drinking is still such a comfort for me.
Thanks for your question Morgan. I get asked this so often and I never know what to say. Because it was a feeling I had. A light bulb. A moment of clarity one morning. I think I just got to the point where I was so unhappy with feeling miserable all the time. I was sick of being stuck on the hampster wheel of endless hangovers and of wanting to be able to control my drinking but never being able to. I believed that alcohol was a comfort for a long time too. But there was this voice inside telling me I wasn’t ok and it kept getting louder. I was masking so much pain and the drinking was actually making it harder for me to feel anything anymore.
In the end I realized alcohol was never my friend. It only made things worse. And it took being sober for me to see this. Things are so much brighter on the other side.
Thanks for this 🤍 Were you in therapy too? I’m going back after a few months not going, and hopeful it will help.
Yes! Definitely. I couldn’t do it without my therapist. You’re on the right path 🩷
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I've noticed changes in myself unfold in this way, but I'm still wrestling with my old skin. It's comforting to hear that it's possible to stop the buzzing.
I think I am still in the bitter stage. I cannot conceive of this heart shift. Or a heart. And it isn't just that. It is poverty. It is always having lived a small life, not quite understanding friendship. And the itch.
My oldest child just committed to college. After spending all day touring on campuses, he would realize it isn't a good fit. As soon as the tour was done, he'd almost sheepishly apologize to my husband and me "sorry for wasting your time." Each time he did this, I would remind him, "Not a waste of time. Every 'no' gets you closer to your 'yes".
I felt (and still, at times, feel) this in my sobriety journey (which feels like it is its own course of study, like college!) Now I am majoring in myself, authenticity. Realizing who I don't want to be and who I was pretending to be takes time. Early sobriety is when we take those "prerequisites". It's later on that we sink into the stuff that lights us up, that feels real and true.
I loved this essay, Kim. I can hear the peace and contentment in every line. It's inspiring.
I was the epitome of "drink in my hand, feet in the sand" when on vacation. I thought that was true relaxation. It only brought me down and I missed so many moments because I was all blurred out or feeling like shit the next day so moody and the opposite of grateful.
Thanks for sharing this shift with us all.